The BNP: They want you dead

Matthew Collins - 25 02 13
Clive "Rodney" Jefferson: Coming to a funeral near you?

Clive “Rodney” Jefferson: Coming to a funeral near you?

A lovely email arrived from the BNP on Friday morning proclaiming they were back on track and with the necessary “reserves to fight a long war for electoral, social and political victory.”

The email was purportedly written by Clive “Rodney” Jefferson who has been installed to the grand title of BNP National Treasurer, for just over a year. Clive also cannot spell the word opposition by the look of the email.

Clive even provided evidence at just how well the party was doing, comparing the rise in income for the BNP: “The BNP received £265,987 in donations in 2012, compared to just £32,000 in 2011.” No wonder clever Clive was so breathlessly excited about sending out such an important email.

It’s been no secret that the BNP has been ripping – off businesses and even employees for years in a desperate bid to avoid paying bills from their rapidly plummeting funds. So, perhaps, one would raise a glass to clever Clive and demand what exactly is the secret of his success. Nazi gold? Substituting horsemeat for beef at a Trafalgar Club dinner?

It certainly isn’t a large influx of members, is it? No, the secret to the BNP’s success has been their old friend death. Back in 2006, the BNP even tried their hand at life insurance! That went a little quiet..

“The figures reveal that Albert Stanmore left £200,000 to the party, received in two separate donations in 2012, while further bequests of £35,000 from Brian Mincherton and £28,736.97 from Edward Hart were also received” writes Clive.

You work the figures out..

Clive is absolutely delighted to announce that it is he who chases coffins for the BNP: “This sensitive but vital work goes on quietly in the background all the time.” One can only imagine where this quiet place is. Hospices are probably a favourite, though I wouldn’t actually rule out a funeral either.

So, well done Clive. Three dead members. if only the buggers were more pro-active, eh? Life getting you down? What says the party sends the boys around to help you along?

“Those anti-British hopefuls who bleated that we were “finished” and “on the brink of bankruptcy” are now eating their words – and how bitter they must taste!”

Well, to honest, not many of us are lamenting the passing of BNP members if we’re to be entirely honest. But the thought of Clive ringing a little bell on his desk and screaming in pleasure every time another party member pops his or her Nazi clogs is probably in even worse taste. The BNP are as good as wishing that more of its members would die.

Because, that’s exactly what they wish. “It shows that we engage in a variety of good old-fashioned (and some new) fundraising techniques.”

Yes, Clive. Death is an innovative business idea all of your own.

Clive's good news: The members are dying

Clive’s good news: The members are dying


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