UKIP’s New Bard

Gary Field: Delicate flower etc,

The Daily Mail may have described him as some kind of deodorant spraying racist thug, but what more would you expect from those lefty, liberal pinkos at the Mail?

Gary Field, or ‘Pat Riot’ as he likes to be known, is just one in a long line of artists to herald from or be inspired by, Thanet. Move over Tracey Emin and your dirty bed sheets; stand aside [whilst in your coffin] Joseph Mallord William Turner and that awful carbuncle in your seaside honour, for Field is an exemplary addition to the new wave of self-published Amazon authors, tackling difficult and testing agenda from their bedrooms with aplomb.

It won’t be long before The Mechanical Elephant on Margate’s windy seafront has in honour of Field, a blue plaque bearing the motto ‘The lazy oaf pondered pointlessly in this chair.’ Yes Comrades, Field has written not once, but twice, of his deeper thoughts. It could be described as dialectic, but cursory glances may give the uninitiated the overwhelming feeling that it is just in an entirely different dialect.

Field: He don’t need no education

Earlier in his life as a patriotic Bard slaving away between visiting pubs and kebab shops during his days of idle racism and daytime television, Field became so taken with his own whimsical meanderings through life, that he published a collection of his own musings.

Cruelly cultivated in the smaller bedroom of his mother’s bungalow, Field self-described his first offering way back in the culturally dark era of 2008 as ‘A Patriot’s Rantings’ and bitterly self-inflicted the eighteen copies he had bound in Broadstairs to a life under the fold out bed in his Mother’s broom cupboard. In some way, those lonely strolls Field took past seafront decay and the growing proliferation of Poundshops may have even inspired the creation of the Thanet Division of the English Defence League (EDL), of whom Field was their most ardent muse for so long (or at least between 2009.)

In fact, if lefty pontificator Owen Jones was to read the rancid warbling’s of Field, he too would throw down his Imperial Typewriter/hammer and sickle and take up the plank of wood for himself and head to Walpole Bay, with Field, in an earnest and self-affirming hunt for seal pups to bludgeon the bastard that is Communism out of them. Or at least into submission.

Eat your heart out Owen Jones..

Now, after seven years of difficult, literary wilderness, Field has returned with a classic. Part fantasy, part thriller, wholly faux academic, Field has produced for Kindle only, a book on Islamic State and the threat of Lone Wolves. It is dark in feature and high in plagiarism and full of unfounded ‘expert’ analysis of his own.

I have no problem with the subject matter, it is widely covered already, but one must query Field’s research qualifications. He writes “I have lived and worked in the UK all my life. My qualification to life is the simple fact I have lived it, and intend to continue to do so.”

If that is no guidance for his qualification to write such a book, he goes on “I had no formal qualification from education and determined at an early age that schooling was not a strong point or even a place I wanted to be. I left school at 15 without qualifications.”

Part of Field’s book reads “”Isis will be defeated and easily so, when developed societies decide to take them on in a serious and uniformed manner, not waiting for an atrocity to happen on their own lands before getting involved.”

Maybe Wikipedia can sue?

In fact, we’re not even sure Field has ever left Thanet, let alone the country. He does describe himself as an advisor to a multinational company though…

That aside, having decided that ISIS can be easily defeated, Field then warns (in the next paragraph) “In doing so however due to twisted religious beliefs and powerful indoctrination this will not likely be the end of them”

So, there you have it. Back in 2013 we noticed he was not the sharpest tool in his Mother’s shed when my colleague at the time wrote this about him.

With the absence of a publisher or indeed any common sense, Field has been tweeting links to his work to all manner of people.

Buy his book. Spoil your ballot

If UKIP ever did win an election, it would be only right that they appoint Field (with or without his bail conditions permitting) as Defence Secretary. War against those illegal Aliens on Mars will not be easy, or even possible, but this patriotic sod will no doubt give it a good try.

And that is why he is such a good Pat Riot.