National Action: Recovery is just a T-shirt away

Matthew Collins - 04 11 15
Come on out boys. It's over

Come on out boys. It’s over

As if they’d been left at the altar, the teen-nazi gang National Action have been off in their bedrooms navel gazing since the humiliation of August’s arthouse debacle in Liverpool.

No amount of poetry or Garron’s alleged grassing or even Kevin’s hackneyed protestations could mend their nazi hearts. Things looked bad for the group. Never mind, the National Front and North West Infidels had a good laugh at Jack “the Jew-hater” Renshaw crying his eyes out in the left luggage office.

It was only last month that National Action bothered to even raise their little faces. They surfaced again when Paul Hickman went around a few Universities putting up stickers with Hitler’s face on. He did it late at night, obviously. But it was, for the lot of them, some much needed relief for them.

National Action: Never been kissed

National Action: Never been kissed

Even if Halloween night had been a terrifying set back with men in masks at their doorsteps, at least it distracted from the disastrous appearance on the BBC of their mindless leader Ben Raymond. Back in September he sat cross legged on a pebbled beach looking and sounding anything other than the gun-touting Aryan Warrior he had proclaimed himself to be in his writings. He’d called for “brutes” to join the movement, he got instead, teenagers in cheap aftershave.

Davies: Couldn't get a woman wet if he stood in a puddle

Davies: Couldn’t get a woman wet if he stood in a puddle

National Action have now turned to making T-shirts to fund their revolutionary graffiti sprees. Except, they’re not actually making them themselves. No, according to the pimpled proletarian that is the failed co-leader Alex Davies, the T-shirts are being printed by a reputable company who one assumes is unaware of the job in hand.

And judging by little Alex’s advertising, it’s not just Philosophy that he failed at. ‘Mr Loverman’ cried so many tears when he was shoved in the back at Lime Street he was himself, wetter than an otter’s pocket. See what we did there, Alex?

So, National Action have a T-shirt that says “Total War” on it. Wouldn’t “Total Surrender” be more apt? After all, ou can’t get the T-shirt until you’ve been there and done it, etc, etc.

Read the terms and conditions, boys

Read the terms and conditions, boys

Anyway, the T-shirts are in clear breach of Teespring’s terms and conditions, so we’ll be warning them.


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