Whistle blows on demo derby

Fixture congestion is this week causing much anger among the far right’s perpetually struggling teams.

For it’s game on this weekend for the English Defence League (EDL), Britain First (BF) and South East Alliance (SEA).

The cramped schedule is already causing difficulties. This is partly because many key players are unable to make the squad. For them its more insult than injury that’s caused them to withdraw, jail, bail or licensing conditions meaning they’ll have to sit it out.

Meanwhile dummies are being spat out as the fascist kids argue over who was on the pitch first. Crying “foul” is Emma Foreman, who has previously played for the long relegated EDL and Pegida, but has since signed on a free with non-leaguers, SEA.

Emma is mightily upset because in announcing two months ago this Friday’s pro-Brexit do, she says SEA had laid down its jumpers for goalposts.

What’s more manager Paul Prodromou (aka Pitt) had a meeting last week with veterans of the Dismal Demo league, the National Front. It went “facking great, the boys done good” said the gaffer, allegedly.

But then what should happen? Rival managers Alan Spence and Paul Golding only go an announce their own Saturday fixture.

Veteran far right winger Gil Gould is also sick as a parrot. In fact he seems almost as sick as a famous Norwegian Blue, his symptoms (boiling p*ss) suggesting quite the severe urinary tract infection. Have you tried cranberry juice Gil?

Given his loss of form and fitness Gil is now looking to join the National Front in the fascist Sunday league. Well at least you still get to down some pints.

Here we might need to ditch the football metaphors. Boxing might be more apt. BF and the EDL get along about as well as Tony Bellew and David Haye at a pre-match press conference. Flying fists are another similarity.

As the mysteriously named ‘Brexit Brummie’ notes too, the two factions are likely to enjoy the very close attention of the Metropolitan Police’s finest tactical aid officers.

At least one hooligan is also shouting maniacally from pitchside/ringside (choose your favoured metaphor). Jacek Miedlar, the Polish extremist priest denied entry to the UK last month has released a video on YouTube calling on Poles who live in Britain to attend the Britain First clash.

That’s right. He’s calling on Poles who have emigrated to Britain to join a march against people emigrating to Britain. Knock-out.